Maybe I'm too disconnected to connect to Jim Turner's The Disconnected Man. With an admirable amount of vulnerability and openness, Turner writes to men and women about men's tendency to be disconnected and offers hope for men and marriages. Turner was a pastor and businessman who thought he was doing everything he needed to as a husband, pastor, father, and Christian. When his wife left him suddenly, he realized all was not well. He was disconnected.
"A disconnected man," Turner writes, "is one who is unaware that his is nonrelational, distant, and emotionally unavailable." Much of Turner's descriptions of the disconnected man fits negative stereotypes of men: doesn't show his feelings, not expressive about his love for his family, hard to connect in friendship. He bounces back and forth between directing his message to men and to women, as his greatest focus is helping men connect and preserving marriages.
Turner makes a mistake that I have seen in many, if not most, books about marriage. He assumes the stereotypes about men and women are fixed and universal. I personally found roles reversed in this book compared to my marriage. Maybe my wife is a disconnected wife. I don't know. But there was enough that I felt was presumptuous to make me feel disconnected from Turner's message.
Ultimately, while The Disconnected Man didn't really speak to me, I can see how some men will relate to Turner's experiences and perspective. No matter how connected men feel, it never hurts to read about other men's experiences to seek ways we can better connect to others.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!
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