Forgiving God, by Hilary Yancey

I know Hilary Yancey didn't write Forgiving God: A Story of Faith just for me.  But there were plenty of times while I was reading it that I felt like she did.  Her story is different from mine, different from most of our stories, but as she writes about her pregnancy and early days with a baby who has multiple, complex medical problems, I felt like I was walking with her through the experience.

Like any parents, Yancey and her husband thrilled at the news of their pregnancy, and planned accordingly with all the typical preparations.  But when Yancey got the call that their ultrasound showed some abnormalities, that little Jackson had a cleft palate and other problems, expectations and preparations went out the window.

Yancey writes about her pregnancy and her dealing with Jackson's disabilities with brutal honesty.  As reality set in that Jesus had not chosen to heal him fully, and that he'd be living with disabilities, her pastor friend asked her, "What do you want to say to Jesus right now?"  Yancey replied, "I hate you for doing this to us."  She continued to hope that Jesus would assure her that he would sustain Jackson, yet they struggled day-to-day with keeping him alive, breathing through his trach. 

Her faith in God was restored--"died and resurrected too much to measure"--as she developed her thinking about disability itself.  Her reflections challenge and encourage parents of children with disabilities.  She concludes, "Different is not worse.  Abnormal, outside the norm, is not worse."  While our children's disabilities may seem to a stranger to be their defining characteristic, to parents disability is simply one of many things that define a child.  Further, his or her disabilities contribute to shaping their characters and personalities, so that were it removed, the child would not be the same person.  She writes that "Jack's life is not made worse by him having craniofacial microsomia."  Different, but not worse.

Yancey's narrative is moving and personal, but reaches wider than her own story.  She inspired me to appreciate and love my children more deeply.  While I may pray for my children to be healed and relieved of the hardships that accompany their disabilities, I recognize that my children are inseparable from their disabilities.  And despite the "hero" label that parents of children with disabilities often receive, I agree with Yancey: "I didn't want to be a hero, because Jack's being alive was not an extra burden that Preston and I were heroically bearing.  His live was not our challenge, our sorrow."

My children are my joy.  As Yancey is entering the journey of raising a child with disabilities, she reminds the rest of us, wherever we are on the journey, of the treasure and pleasure of our children, and of the goodness and faithfulness of God.



Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!