Saturday, August 20, 2016

Animals of the Ocean, by Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey

Under the sea lie secrets that can only be revealed by "the only scientists ever to explore what is in and under the sea," Dr. and Mr. Doris Hagis-on-Whey.  This is what they do in Animals of the Ocean, in Particular the Giant Squid, volume III in their series, The Haggis-on-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance.  And fortunately for me, as the cover states, this volume as been translated into Texan.

As you may know, if you are familiar with the HOW series, very little of what you may find in this book is useful or true.  But it's sometimes laugh-out-loud hilarious.  Some of the information herein is pretty close to reality.  For instance, in the diagram on the eleven layers of the sea, the description of layer five sounds like it's probably absolutely correct: "This is where the animals of the ocean emit feces and then swim among their feces." This reminded me of the lyric from the Surf Punks's timeless classic, "Bird Bathroom," in which they declare, "The ocean's nothing but a fish toilet, watch out!" (In case this cultural reference is too obscure for you, feel free to enlighten yourself by clicking here:

Every page of Animals of the Ocean is worth a luck, and elicits at least a chuckle.  It's truly mind-boggling, the amount of random inanity that can be crammed into one colorful, oversized hard-cover book.  I especially appreciated the guide to which deep-sea research is deducible.  (Neither a plastic ficus nor a bejeweled throne is deductible.  Sombreros and printer cartridges are.)  I was disappointed by one glaring omission: Animals of the Ocean did not feature any information about Madagascar.

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