Never Say No, by Mark and Jan Foreman

When a young dad asked pastor Mark Foreman for "one nugget of parenting advice," he didn't expect this answer: "Never say no."  In Never Say No: Raising Big-Picture Kids, Mark and Jan Foreman write about their experiences as parents of two boys.  Not insignificantly, their boys Jon and Tim are the core of the successful band Switchfoot.  Given their commercial success, their musical impact, and their active ministry, the Foremans must have done something right.

"Never say no" sounds like the flippant answer of a permissive or over-indulgent parent.  But that's not at all what the Foremans convey.  They "hope to move beyond reactionary noes to proactive yeses.  Behavior often takes care of itself when we focus on having a healthy relationship."  Mark had a epiphany when he sensed God saying to him, "I enjoy you."  That realization shaped his relationship with God and with his children.  Enjoying children in play, communication, and shared experiences lays a foundation of relationship and character shaping.

As parents, our modeling behavior and reactions to our children's behavior communicate much more to our children than any spoken messages or verbal instruction and correction.  The Foremans write that children are watching; the easiest way to influence our children to live a particular lifestyle is to live that lifestyle ourselves.

The Foremans also talk about creating an environment that fosters creative thinking, independence, and interaction with culture.  With very little exposure to TV during their formative years, and lots of unstructured play, the Foreman boys explored their world.  The Foremans did not want their boys to succumb to "naturedeficit disorder," the indoor lifestyle that can lead to "increased depression, anxiety, and attention problems," not to mention obesity.

I don't remember the Foremans mentioning home schooling.  In fact, they write very little about school at all.  But much of their attitude and specific guidance reminds me of books I've read about home schooling and unschooling.  They emphasize reading books from the classics to modern literature, keeping up with and discussing current events, traveling with an aim toward learning about history, architecture, and life in other cultures, frequenting museums and cultural events, listening to and playing a variety of music, all of which fit in a homeschooling model (and are easier to do when a family isn't shackled by the rigors of a school schedule).

The Foremans' bottom line is enjoy your kids, give them an environment in which they can learn and grow, and model for them the character and values you want to see in them.  Be prepared to look for opportunities to say yes, and you will find yourself saying no less and less.  The Foremans have encouraged and inspired me as a parent.  Hopefully my kids won't be hearing "No!" from me (at least not very much!).


Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!