What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Marriage, by Greg and Julie Gorman

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: a married person can't read too many books about marriage.  I can't speak for husbands everywhere, but I know I need all the help I can get.  Greg and Julie Gorman offer some help in What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Marriage: Unlocking 10 Secrets to a Thriving Marriage.  By looking at their own marriage, at lots of scripture, and at solid wisdom about marriage relationships, the Gormans offer their take on improving and loving together.

The first "secret" (it's not really a secret) is "the key to experiencing a thriving marriage is our complete surrender to God."  This is the non-negotiable starting point for all the rest of what they say.  In marriage, as we surrender to God, we commit to serving one another: "Marriage requires us to exchange our selfish nature for Christ's servant-like nature."  That commitment is not easy, and takes a deliberate effort.  They write, "Just because two Christians marry does not mean they'll automatically have a Christian marriage."  Both partners must "cultivate and practice servanthood within your marriage relationship."  If you master that point, the rest of the book is unnecessary.  But it's still helpful.

Without "revealing" the other 9 "secrets" I thought I'd add some general thoughts about the book.

Some things I liked about WIWMMHTMAM:
-- The Gormans are honest and open about their own marriage and struggles they've had.  Julie discusses the abuse she suffered, they talk about their blended family, and they recount the knock-down, drag-out fights they had early on.
-- Each chapter includes "A Letter from the Father," which takes scripture and mashes it together in letter form pertaining to the theme of the chapter.  It's very effective in bringing scriptural thoughts to a first-person divine voice.  
-- The book is primarily written by Julie, but each chapter includes "Greg's Turn," in which Greg corrects all of the errors Julie makes.  Just kidding, of course.  He affirms Julie's piece and provides the male perspective.

What I didn't like as much about WIWMMHTMAM:
 -- "Secrets" is overused in book titles.  The 10 "secrets" promised in the subtitle aren't secrets, but age-old, time-tested truths.  This will surprise no one.  Nobody picks up a book like this thinking that they will find among the pages some previously hidden secret formula.  So why do publishers insist on putting this in so many book titles?
-- Many books with "secret" in the title are in the self-help/motivational genre.  Julie makes her living as a motivational/inspirational speaker.  Some of that tone carries over into the book, in both her style and in her selection of writers from which she quotes.  This is a taste issue as much as anything.  The more you sound like Tony Robbins, the more turned off I get.

Whether you've been married for decades or just starting out, you will glean some truth from and be challenged by WIWMMHTMAM.  The Gormans and the couples they discuss here have probably been through whatever you're going through and will help you remember that marriage is worth the effort to make it work and thrive.


Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!