Nadia Bolz-Weber has a message of comfort for anyone whose sexual inclinations and practices fall outside the norms of traditional Christian ethics. In Shameless: A Sexual Reformation, Bolz-Weber assures her readers that they need not worry about their sexual pasts or presents. Gay sex? Not a sin. Extra-marital sex? Not a sin. Abortion? Not a sin. Pornography? Not a sin. Promiscuity? Not a sin. One-night stand? Not a sin. Basically, "Whatever sexual flourishing looks like for you, that's what I would love to see happen in your life." This is a destructive message.
To her credit, Bolz-Weber does draw some delineation regarding what is acceptable sexual behavior. It's a problem if "your sexual desires are for minors or animals, or your sexual choices are hurting you or those you love." And certainly sexual activity should be marked by consent, mutuality, and concern. (I like that last bit--a lot of people talk about consent and mutuality, but she adds concern for the other as essential.) So she rules out pedophilia, bestiality, and rape. Good for her.
But really, she takes too much delight in jettisoning centuries of church teaching and biblical interpretation to come down to her version of sexual free-for-all. Here's what bothers me: when people like Bolz-Weber, a theologically trained Christian pastor, draws her sexual ethic from a culture that is increasingly permissive and tries to dress it up in spiritual, biblical terms. She can say she starts from the Bible, but the current crop of Christians who want to defend homosexuality and endorse premarital sex are more the product of the sexual revolution and gay pride than serious biblical scholarship.
She is right that there have been abuses by the church, in both teaching and practice, regarding sexual ethics. She gets particularly incensed by the recent purity and abstinence movements. Yes, teens will have sex. But does that mean we should encourage it? What about holding up a standard and teaching why that is most fulfilling and in line with scripture? (It is, on both counts.) You might argue that men will cheat on their wives, so we might as well accept it and make it work. Actually, nothing in Bolz-Weber's formulation excludes an open marriage, as long as it's consensual, mutual, and shows concern for others involved.
Much about this book really irked me. She virtually ignores sociological evidence that faithful marriage between a man and a woman is more beneficial for the family and for society. As a divorcee, she is dismissive of heterosexual marriage as just another choice. But her statements on abortion are appalling. She writes about how attached she became to a baby her family fostered while she was a teen, and realized that she could never give up her own baby for adoption. When she became pregnant, young, unmarried, and penniless, she said "if I couldn't give a baby and I couldn't keep a baby, then I just couldn't have a baby." SO SHE KILLED HER BABY. I will never understand a woman who says she could never give up her own baby, so she kills it instead. This is evil. Yet she goes on to say that "never once for a single minute did I regret my choice."
We as Christians must teach and speak with grace and compassion to those who are considering or have had abortions. We must reach out to people who have been sexually abused. The church must be a place of healing and reconciliation to God for those who feel like they were created or wired the wrong way. But the church must not be a place where sin is no longer called sin, where the Bible is distorted to defend societal perversions, and where the healing and redeeming work of Christ is ignored so that people can follow their sexual whims and desires. This is exactly what Bolz-Weber does.
Thanks to Edelweiss and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!
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