The Reappearing Act, by Kate Fagan

Perhaps the worst-kept secret in sports is the presence of lesbians on women's athletic teams.  With high-profile college and pro athletes coming out on our sports pages on a regular basis, Kate Fagan's coming out story seems to come from another time.  Fagan, now an outstanding ESPN columnist, was, 10 years ago, a starter on the Colorado Buffaloes basketball team.  In The Reappearing Act: Coming Out as Gay on a College Basketball Team Let by Born-Again Christians, Fagan tells the story of her time at Colorado, during which she came to grips with her gay identity.

As the subtitle suggests, Fagan was surrounded by outspoken Christians, and for a while joined them in Bible study and worship.  But she could not reconcile her feelings and attractions to other women to what she heard at Bible study and church.  She realized that her feeling that she was gay "was more real to me than any Bible verse or prayer session had ever felt."  More than the struggle against the Bible, she struggled against letting down her family and Christian friends.  She knew they would be disappointed in her, but she could not deny who she felt like she was becoming.

Fagan's story is unfortunate in several ways.  She was surrounded by good friends on the basketball team, but their "love the sinner, hate the sin" attitude seemed more like "hate the sin, reject, ignore, or shun the sinner."  She eventually moved out of the apartment she shared with her close Christian friends, unable to tolerate the judgmental looks.  By extension, she was driven away from God and the church.

After a pretty dark time of depression and rejection, Fagan seems to have taken some strong steps toward wholeness and acceptance of herself.  I am a straight, male, Christian, and I tend more toward her teammates' point of view, but I appreciated Fagan's perspective.  There are men and women in Fagan's shoes all around us.  In spite of growing acceptance of homosexuality in culture, being gay can still be a struggle.  Christians need to remember that we are called to love, not to judge.



Thanks to Edelweiss and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!