The Happy Couple, by Barton Goldsmith

Just about everyone can use a refresher course from time to time. Professionals have their continuing education courses, or attend conferences where they hear about trends and developments in their field. This is no different in marriage. A few lucky ones have perfect spouses. Some of us might be perfect spouses. For the rest of us, the ocassional reminder is a big help. 

In his new book, The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Thing at a Time, popular psychologist and counselor Barton Goldsmith gives married couples plenty of reminders. Most of what Dr. Goldsmith discusses and recommends won't be very surprising to readers. In fact, my feeling was that the things he discussed are what most married people do naturally when they are first falling in love or are newly married. Now, I have known couples (like my parents) for whom these reminders are not necessary. But for me, they were good to hear.  

One key for Goldsmith is connectedness. The more connected you are to your spouse, the more secure you feel, and less likely to feel defensive when a conflict may arrive. Similarly, honesty should be a "way of life."  Goldsmith writes, "Knowing you can totally trust one another offers a type of freedom and comfort that really helps your relationship work in the best way possible."  

Another key is showing affection, which can "turn bad days into good ones and make your troubles seem much smaller."  Goldsmith says "we should all do our best to find, act upon, and treasure the moments when we can exchange affection with the person we love." Amen to that!

One nice thing about The Happy Couple is the arrangement in 25 short chapters. As he states in the introduction, Goldsmith intends the book to be a useful reference to which couples can refer for tips on specific areas.  Besides chapters on affection, honesty, and connection to which I refer above, he reminds us of the importance of gratitude, playfulness, nurturing, thoughtfulness, and other practices and attitudes, each of which merits its own chapter. 

While not groundbreaking or controversial. I found The Happy Couple to be a useful, challenging reminder to make my marriage and the happiness of my wife a higher priority, and to be more deliberate and intentional in our relationship.  I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in needing these reminders from time to time.

(By the way, lest you be misled by the naked legs on the cover, Goldsmith spends almost no time talking about sex in this book. His main points about sex are to remind us that connection, affection, communication, etc. are not and should not be primarily about sex.) 

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!